you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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