I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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