I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
