I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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