He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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