I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
