Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
