i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
