It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
birth control should be required to get into college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
