porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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