summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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