I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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