Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
