Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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