Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
