Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
