I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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