I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
