I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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