Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
