just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
