one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
