I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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