tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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