So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
