Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
