Your face is a jimmy john
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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