dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I smell like Dick and happiness
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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