dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
