i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
