did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
