if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
