Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
