shes about as inviting as chlamydia
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
