He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
