All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
