Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
