you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
