whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
