I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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