i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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