I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
