I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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