sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
