dude i'm inner monologue high
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
