yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
