Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
