i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
