I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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