As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
should my penis look like a turkey
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
50% drunk capacity currently
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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