party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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