I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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